There Is A Deeper Wave Than This

Nothing major to report. Vacation was fun - a little tiring. Weston is a good overnighter - the St. George Hotel was nice. The only issue was that the two places I wanted to eat were both closed while I was there - but the Irish pub serves a great lunch. The water park at the great wolf lodge is really fun - especially with a 6 year old - but the mattresses and sheets are dreadfully sub par given the hefty price tag. Favorite part of the trip was the excursion to Moon Marble in Bonner Springs (http://www.moonmarble.com/) Loved the demonstation and original hand made marbles. Bought a few for my art collection.

My watch battery stopped working yesterday. I am truly timeless.

Work is still going well. I'm a bit distracted until I start actually working then I'm able to focus and get a lot accomplished - but it's the habit of time wasting that is hard to break in the post-Sprint world.

My therapist has moved me to every other week - I'm feeling much better. Emotions and perceptions are such odd and powerful things - or non-things actually.

Going to see Harry Potter tonight. Which makes me think of miss_jen more than usual - which is surprizingly frequent for someone I never actually met. Looking forward to the film. Hope the good guys win. :P

I'm in the initial stages of a life overhaul. New job. New outlook. Doing better on diet and excercise. Drinking tons of water. I've lost about 20 lbs. from the beginning of the year - or the end of last year or whatever. Very slowly. So it doesn't really seem like I've lost much at all. But I'm in a particularly enthusiastic mood about the whold lifestyle change so it's all good - whatever. I've signed up at a free website geared towards weight loss/management (sparkpeople.com) it's very interactive and fun so far. If you're interested let me know and I'll send to a referral - then I'll get bonus "trophy" points - which is a little meaningless icon thing they upgrade when you track your food or exercise, and read articles, etc. Stupid - but still oddly motivating. Like gold stars.

Bout ready for another tattoo.

I just ate and now I'm starving. Before I ate - I wasn't much hungry. Intelligent design indeed.

I'm re-reading Order of the Phoenix in eager anticipation of the soon to be out Movie - and new book. The other book I'm reading is a really old "Humorous Illustrations" book which is intended to be a topical reference for speech makers, attorneys, toastmasters etc. It's from the 30s and is the single most racist and sexist book I have ever read in my life. If you are looking for a horribly offensive anecdote on Budgeting or Recreation (or any other topic) please let me know. I'll try to give you the one that has the most ethnic slurs. It's not even really funny (even without the PC factor) but it is really interesting from a sociological perspective. I'd hard to believe that this point of view was once considered tolerable, let alone "suitable for all occasions and audiences". I can't wait to see what comes up under Zoos.

Work is going pretty well. It's like I've been here ages. I've got a whole slew of projects that are all my very own. One big perk I forgot to mention is that there are plenty of herbal (if mainstream brands) teas available in the kitchen area. But more than that there are steady supplies of two types of Cocoas on hand (with sugar and without). Maybe it's just me, but I feel it's impossible to drink a cup of cocoa and not feel like a very special and loved schmoopy-whooopie-poopie. Even if you make the cocoa yourself. And even if it's sugar free.

The cat of many names (Polly, Pepper, Poopie, Kit-Kat, Meow-meow, Mr. Stuffykiss) continues to be a delight. I think I'm her favorite. Of course Penny - who is very squirmy in general and always imagines how she would want to be handled if she were a cat - is not much competition.

Next week: Vacation. Destination: Kansas City.

Nothing significant to report - just a collection of stray events and observations.

The kitten appears to have caught a wee mouse - I am disgusted and impressed. I left Carrie to deal with it - I'm not much into dead animals. Which is unfortunate because they are so readily available. The stray cat that lives in our neighborhood and seems to have a particular fondness for my lot tends to leave its hunt results in the drive or flower beds. I can't stand the feline affection.

I've been observing people/cars/blimps/etc. from the vantage provided by my new cube on the 15th floor. Two things to note so far. 1) Blimps can really move fast - you'd be surprised. 2) People have really long legs. I mean a huge portion of their bodies are leg. I just keep watching them as they cross the street with the entire lower half of their bodies splitting and crossing. It seems quite perilious. Oh and 3) I think birds have really cool lives. I want to be one.

Therapy is going well - I don't know when I'll graduate. I'm doing OK on weight management - down a few pounds. I think just getting out of Sprint helped with the stress and dissatisfaction I was feeling. I still feel anxious sometimes - but it seems more managable now. My big fear (workwise) is that before long this current job will stop being fun and a breath of fresh air and become like the toxic environment I left. I have to learn to "trust" again. (That is SO therapy :P) It's hard to come back from being a cynical perspective - at least emotionally. Ah well. Life is suffering.

Family Vacation is coming up (week of the 4th). We're mostly staying in town and doing tons of stuff. I'm looking forward to the adventure.

Well OK – so I didn’t update. But I wasn’t sitting in front of a computer for any significant period. I was a professional lazy person – it would have broken my record of unaccomplishment to have provided any kind of helpful report.

But I accidentally got a job. I didn’t really mean to. I sent out one resume, got an interview and started work a week later (yesterday). It was fluke. A former Sprint-er saw me at the Minority Supplier Expo I help coordinate on May 17th and he told me that the company he’s now with was desperate for an IT buyer and asked me to send him my info. That was the beginning of the end of my sweet life of leisure. I’m working for KCPL in a tall building downtown (12th and Walnut). I'm going to join or start a "green" energy movement from within - mums the word.

Here some notables: Parking is $5.25 a day (I get to expense it but sheesh). There's a lot of abandoned random items and papers around. Everything is just older – the kitchen, the bathrooms. But it's not too bad. There is a TV in the break room area that has ads for houses and boats or wanted items running on it – I think it's internal ads from employees. Kinda weird. Everybody says it's busy here, but it's quiet as a tomb. The best part is that I have a pretty nice window view from my cube on the 15th floor. Their standard working hours are 7:30 to 4:00. Though I'm not really a morning person – I think it'll work out. If I have my lunch and clothes ready – then I have to leave the house by 7:15 to get here on time – I usually am awakened anyway by Penny's day anyway. I do like leaving early (of course).

In other news.

We have a kitten – I caved. She's dark grey all over. Carrie and I call her Pepper, Penny wants to call her Polly Pepper – so we said that's her full name, but she'll probably go by her nickname. She was kind of shy at first, but she's warming up fast. She has claimed three spots for her sleeping/rest areas - on chairs in the dining and living rooms, and most recently with Carrie at night (who swears she's not spoiling her). She's really cute and pretty entertaining. She likes to climb, but we have her almost trained to stay off the couches and coffee table – squirting her with a water bottle. We’ll see if she pulls her weight, so far she’s only managed to keep us safe from a mass of wadded up packing paper piled in the living room floor and start eating the free bag of cat food that came with her which no one else wanted - so I guess that's some measure of help to the household.

I will be getting laid off as desired. It will be weird for a while - I've been at Sprint for 10 years. I'm really looking forward to the life change.

My calendar is filling up with a variety of items - seems like Spring is breaking on the social scene as the weather warms.

The Farm season is coming. I'm a core member this year and will help with the city distribution pick ups - I hope it goes well.

The new depression med I started 2 weeks ago has definitely improved my general mood - but I've been working my way through a variety of side effects. I don't want to be on them too long - but they seem to be providing a function at present. It's weird how chemistry and something as abstract as emotion can be connected.

I've been enjoying some Netflix offerings and am planning a post to highlight a particular bird species that astounds me - coming soon.

Sometimes I think that the closest I'll ever come to being the kind of aerobics instructor that you love to hate is when I decide within the last 10 seconds to push the "Add 30 Sec" button on the microwave.

If I had to choose a super power it'd be a really close one for me between flying and being able to read and drive a car at the same time - that desire seriously comes up all the time - dangerously seriously.

Deepest gushing thanks to loviemacfru for the wonderful Ogden Nash mailbox surprise! I don't think I've ever opened a package and said "OH! YAY!" before. (Will you be at the Shop on Sat? - When would be a good time for a Stacey (and Penny) visit?

Weekend was pretty good - slumber party = excellent - ballet was good, but I liked the last performance better.

I'm trying to turn over a new leaf today on the health front. My therapist was a bit terse with me on Friday - he wants me to try looking at things in a different way. Plus he wants me to start an anti-depressant - but I haven't called my primary to get hooked up yet. I'm low on motivation so I'm in kind of a "fake it till I make it" mode. I took an hour walk over lunch - which was nice because it's sunny outside if still a bit cold - I'm so glad the winter is almost gone.

This is going to be a busy week. Girl's Night Out dinner tonight - I'd probably rather go home, but I do want to see the gals.

Tomorrow night is yoga. My yoga teacher whom I have a girl crush on has opened her own place. If you're in the KC area - definitely check her studio out. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her and can not recommend her enough. http://www.darlingyoga.com/

Wednesday - farm core meeting. Time flies! I can't wait for the fresh produce.

Thursday - Therapy, Survivor and CSI in that order.

I don't know what the weekend holds - but hopefully it'll be a good time to get out some more.

First - I am going to a slumber party tonight, with niece in tow - and it promises to be quite a bit of fun. I've spend hours coming up with truth or dare questions and scenarios and I'll soon be stopping by the salvation army to pick up some appropriate foot ware for the wrong-size high-heel egg and spoon race event. And I'm bound and determine to stay up later than Penny so I can pull the old "froze your panties while you were sleeping" trick (though because I'm a good aunt I'll take an extra pair for her to wear). I'm also in charge of movies so I've got Footloose and Little Manhattan which is a 5th grader romance flick that is supposed to be really good. Should be a fun night.

Tomorrow is the ballet - I hope it lives up to the expectations I developed after the 1st performance of the season. Good weekend all around.

P.S. Ya'll are a bunch of prudes on the boobs - though I tend to agree. In fact I'd take it one step further I'd black out cow utters and monkey nipples with the little bar thing or stars like they use on TV or in magazines. And I think boys should have to wear pasties if they go without a shirt - because REALLY how do they expect us to be able to concentrate or not start tearing each other apart for their favor when we see their superfluous man discs on display at the beach or basketball court or where ever?

But then you knew that already.

Went for my surgical follow up and found that the biopsy was clear - it's just fatty necrosis or something with a disgusting name like that - I guess it's fairly common follwing radiation. So my Surgeon graduated me and I'll only see my oncologist from here on out.

It's a big relief - and a good thing cause I stay pretty calm in crisis/stress - except for the part where I eat lots of really unhealthy foods. So now I can step away from the fried chicken. (Don't judge).

My scheme to get laid off is going fairly well. I probably won't know of it's success for 3 weeks - but I'm feeling pretty confident. Several co-workers have their fingers crossed for me. :)

I'm glad Spring is starting to set in. I'm tempted to lay in the front yard for a while just to get a fresh air fix.

Composting with the worms is going relatively well - it's harder than I imagined (or at least there is more to get a feel for) the balance of enough food and the right humidity level. I only check every few days and base my sucess on the number of escapees there are in the lower bin. Worms vote with their feet.

Next project/s: Terrariums. I have a number of jars that I've been saving for this purpose. But I'm still in a research phase.

I also really want to do a rain garden - and/or a rain barrel. Interesting ecological stuff. Now all I need is free time and money - which is where getting laid off comes in handy.

And now for an impromptu discussion:

How much cleavage is acceptable in the workplace? Depends on the workplace? Depends on the boob size? A little crack okay? As long as there is no nipple? Okay with a transparent undershirt? Really - who decides and where is the line to be drawn?

The Shrimp

A shrimp who sought his lady shrimp
Could catch no glimpse
Not even a glimp.
At times, translucence
Is rather a nuisance.

To My Valentine

More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're love by me.

Home, 99 44/100% Sweet Home

Home is heaven and orgies are vile,
But I like an orgy, once in a while.

But there is a woman here at work that looks EXACTLY like Ichabod Crane. But this may be her aim since she always wears her hair in a low (rather colonial period looking) ponytail.

http://www.dizneypins.com/AugImages/IchA.jpg

So last Thursday I went to get my slew of medical test - bone scan, CAT scan, blood work and mammogram.

Then yesterday I went to see my oncologist for a follow up and the results - a 9:00 appointment. Everything looked good - I've lost 8 pounds - hurrah, hurrah. But wait.....they just wanted to take a few magnification mammograms - they can fit me in at 10:30. Fine. Then the radiologist determines that most of the little calcifications that he wanted to look at are scar tissue or fat necrosis (I don't know what that word means but it always sounds like one of those biological oddities that you never really want the details on) - but there is one group of calcifications that he doesn't like - so hey we're just going to do a biosy ok? Greaaaaat. There's an opening at 2:00. Why not - let's make a day of it. So - this biospy was not like my other. In my other one - I was crying already because they already knew it was cancer - and I was lying on my back/side at a weird angle while some intern dude my arm above me and they used this mini - reverse calk gun like needle.

This time I was pretty calm - for the most part. It was a freaky proceedure. I had to mark my boob with a "yes" - a malpractice precaution. Then they had me lay face down on a table that had a hole in in which I stuck my boob through. Said boob was then squashed in a plastic vise - which felt great. Then they lifted the table up - as if I needed an oil change. After a few numbing shots - a machine drilled a hole in my boob. It sounded like a dentist drill - which I don't usually mind at the actual dentist - but this was a little too freaky so I got a little teary and the nurse rubbed my back and tried to distract me mentally by asking me about my work - which was helpful. After the tissue was taken - they lowered me back down and called in another person who had to apply pressure to my chest for ten minutes and go over the aftercare rules. She closed me up with some steri-strips and they sat me up and gave me some water. After I dressed - the nurse showed me the scans they did of the tissue they removed and the calcium deposits. The she showed me the actual tissue in a jar of water-like fluid. It was kind of interesting. They taped a small ice pack on my boob and put some rolled up gauze in my bra for added compression and I got home at about 4:00. It was an unexpectedly long day - but I am reading a good book and it gave me some good time with it.

My insurance make them send out the sample to an outside lab - so it'll be about 10 days before I hear. Blah. I'm not sure what to think at this point. Mostly I'm sure it's nothing. But then it might not be - especially given my history - so who knows.

Just before all this - when I was leaving my oncologist appointment she said I was far enough out to start going through her survivor program she just started. When I was in treatment - I went to the funeral of a woman that had died from breast cancer that recurred on her 5th anniversary - which is supposed to be the benchmark of returning to a normal threat level.

So mostly I'm sure it's nothing. But it's also kind of like trying to get out of the mafia - just when you think you're out....it pulls you back in.

What's your position on bibs for adults?

I say - why not? They make good sense. I'd like to see them move out of the lobster only arena and enjoy wider public acceptance - especially if they are reusable/homemade and not disposable.

I did not get called for jury duty during my service period. They got up to 298 and I was 305. It was distressing. My solace is that I think this service record will play well in my campaign for President of the United States of America in 2008 - it'll really set me apart.

I have new closet doors. I used to have the sliding kind - which block more than 50% of the closet opening at all times (so technically I don't know if that even qualifies them as a "door" - shouldn't there be a minimum access requirement for the status?) - now I have ones that open up and reveal all. This was part of the home improvement extravaganza that occurred with my parents visit over the weekend. There was also plenty of cabinetry action to be had in the laundry room as well.

I am addicted to the PS2 Sponge Bob Battle for Bikini Bottom game. I'm only like 61% of the way through - which is pretty good for only a few weeks work. But I'm at a point where I'm kind of stumped on a couple of different levels. Do I look up cheats or not? Don't judge me.

I think I could hire someone to do my job for me at a fraction of the cost. Still working out the details of that scam though - may not be feasable since my boss knows what I look like. Perhaps a new hairdo is in order.

I have totally ordered worms. Like 1000. They should be here by Thrusday - and then - let the composting begin. I'm saving up some choice scraps for them (grapes and used tea bags - delish) so they'll have a good first impression of me as the new master of their universe. I also had a talk with Penny and told her she needed to be nice to the worms and welcome them into the family and that I wouldn't be loving her any less, but that I have enough love for her and 1000 worms.

According to my new drivers license I haven't gained a pound since the 3rd grade. Seriously - when they read all the current data off and then say "is that still correct?" when it clearly isn't - then I have to put the blame all on them.

I'm parked off-road in the parking lot. I think if you're within the yellow lines it shouldn't matter if one or more of your tires is perched on a snow plow bank 3' high. I just wonder how things might have changed since this morning with the temporary heat wave. I assume that the snow under said tire should have just melted serenly down and gently lowered the vehicle. We'll soon see.

I'm home "sick". Technically, I did wake up with a really bad headache - but I've had some Advil and extra sleep and my only remaining symptom is increasing laziness. I would call a doctor, but I can't be bothered.

( So here's some pictures )

I'm leaving work early today to renew my driver's license at the last possible moment (tomorrow I turn 35).

I STILL haven't had to serve on Jury Duty. I only have two more weeks on call and they were up to #270 (I'm #305) so I have a chance for next week or the following. The damn cases keep settling. If I knew the participants I would play he said/she said to keep the fires burning long enough for me to do my civic duty. I care that much.

Sis and niece have moved in - and it's all good. Time flies with people in the house. They eat far too much junk food. Yet, I'm the fatty. I'm going to start my my own clothing line called Life is Not Fair and have little stick figures in various scenarios to illustrate the point under the motto. Another multi-million $ idea.

Sprint is laying off thousands of people. I want to be a thousandaire. However, my department isn't offering a voluntary program. I've told my boss I want to go (big gold stars on my performance review) - so fingers crossed.

Several wonderful knitting projects in process. Will have to dazzle with photos soon.

Within how many feet of the intersection must signal if you intend to turn?

Just FYI - I'm going to cut down my friends page. I don't do a bunch of filters to discreetly not read people journals that I'm out of touch with. My journal is pretty public - so it's not about keeping people out. If you are a friend (or community - ha!) I've cut and you feel hurt - my apologies.

On a related note - I'd like to be more active on LJ again, but we shall see if that happens, won't we?

Poll #883324 Do you want me to card you?
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The first turkey was 131% done. But luckily I started the second a little later.

http://www.roastaturkey.com/#c4f6b023

Dig in.

Today's obsession: Cooking a virtual turkey to perfection. It takes hours. http://www.roastaturkey.com I have two going now. The plan is to open one oven and see how done one is so I know how much longer to keep the second going. Genius. I will rule the world one day. So far, my record is 85% done.

"Content":

I'm terrible at managing my finances presently. It's addition and subtraction - and perhaps the laws of time and space. Really. I don't know why I never learn.

I have begun to see a therapist - finally. He's good. I know this because it's kind of difficult. I think he's worried about me because I tear up nearly constantly during my session. I don't really think it's that unusual. It's not like I'm sobbing.

Three and a half hours till I call in for Jury Duty. I can hardly wait.

Ice kept me home from work yesterday - and nearly all of the KC workforce. Apparently we can't all access the network remotely without crashing the whole darn thing - who knew. But today I came in through the snow - at least it looks really pretty outside.

My Mom came back to my house with me last weekend - we work on house projects in anticipation of my Sis and Niece moving in - I still have a long row to hoe. But then there's a lot of knitting to be done. It's a busy season.

Got to go check the birds.